What It Would Feel Like

What It Would Feel Like
Caitlyn Halliburton

Chasing dreams?
Who’s chasing?
We’re walking beside each other, taking our time, you know?
Waiting.
Until we’re both comfortable enough to lace fingers
and never let go.

As for people,
I try to keep them as platonic as possible
that way I’m not tempted to test my strength and break them.
I still don’t understand how a heart can hold a hand,
and a hand can clench a heart and that’s ok.
The heart’s a muscle too. It can hit back.
It can stop that hand by stopping itself,
and no more pain is felt.
Then I’m just numb.

There are accounts of a body so numb
Its soul came out, danced around
and did all the things its body said it couldn’t do.

I’d rather feel my soul.

And connect to wandering ancestors
Te he estaba buscando
Feel the thick leaves of the Brazil Nut Tree
Sheathe my energy and shudder the jaguar’s roar into me.
I want to purl over the Amazon River and devour its wild currents.
Silver streams through the sliver of my lips
and splendidly circulates through reliefs of my flesh
winding its way around my veins and yanking
in a perfect passion of release.
No te preocupes. Voy a volver.
I pour from the basin in Pará and notice
the humpbacks glazing the ocean’s crest.
Their gritty violins echo against the horizon.
I’ve always believed whales held history’s secrets in their songs.
Now I can know for myself.

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